ocotillo

bye bye bloggy

Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to say goodbye to this blog. This blog has existed for 4 years. It won't be deleted. Just retired. I'm tired of looking at it with it's ever increasing time lapses and thinking I ought to write something. I guess I need to bring some definite closure to it rather than letting it linger, lost, lonesome and unattended in some nebulous corner of the blogosphere.

I am eternally grateful to have met each and every one of you. You all have been gifts to my life. I'll be on facebook. And I'm still at etsy too. I will answer emails and I hope that our friendships will continue. Let us take a moment of silence in respect..... Ha!

I leave you with a mixed C.S. Lewis/John Eldredge quote I heard last night:

"...open the windows to the clean sea breezes of the centuries and let them blow through or you suffer in the myopic experience of your own time..."

Maybe kinda random, but I liked it last night, and still do this morning.

I love you all.

Take Care,

Cheryl

what's going on

I've been waiting to say until I knew for sure. "For Sure" certainly has a way of being evasive. But "starting work tomorrow" seems fairly certain. Don't you think? It has been interesting to see how many different directions our lives could have gone. We tried to get out of Dodge, and we came close to escape...but not yet. As time and money started to run thin, Richard wound up taking a 6 month contract down by the airport working for Southwest. So....he has work, and they may employ him in the future. Or it is a chance to pick up some skills and move on. We don't know. We'll see.

So much more to say....will be back.

movies seen and unseen

Last week I saw the movie "Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten." When I was 15, I never thought  the day would come when I had to explain who Joe Strummer was (except to my parents) but that day is here. Even the youth of Britain have forgotten him. Back then, if I heard "Rock the Casbah" one more time, I might be the one screaming. Joe Strummer, guitarist/vocalist of the Clash. Died suddenly of a congenital heart defect at age 50 back in 2002. This was a Husband Request movie. The Clash were one of his favorite bands growing up back in England. They always seemed "too cool" to me. Maybe too serious. Maybe too much testosterone. I don't know, but I never got too into them. So I felt only slightly interested and figured I'd give it the 20 minute test (if I'm still interested after that amount of time, I'll watch the whole thing).

It passed the test, but it wasn't until the end that I realized how much it had grown on me. Time sure does change things too. The view I have of them now is not how I could have possibly have interpreted them at 15. I intensely felt their pain as they became the very thing they never wanted to become. In their case, exclusive, glamorized rock stars. The 80's now appear so ancient in their non-digitized confused modernity.

The movie was well put-together, unified with a campfire glow theme where purposely unidentified friends speak of their experiences with him. Some famous and recognizable, others not. An unusual, but wise choice. Also scattered throughout the movies were some cartoons and animated bits done by Joe which were great.

The campfire theme grows throughout the movie. At the end there is a picture of a handmade Christmas card he designed and sent out days before his death. I wish I could find a picture of it. I found it  beautiful and inspiring. It was somewhat dream-like with a boat  sailing to different islands with campfires on them.

I tried to put the youtube trailer here, but it says "embedding disabled by request", so I'll link it the old fashioned way. Trailer.

In future movie news, what appears to be an interesting movie coming out in October is Lord Save Us from your Followers. And the smaller title: Why is the Gospel of Love Dividing America? There is a book that came out a few months ago. The movie is done in a similar documentary sort of style, like Supersize Me, but promises it doesn't utilize Michael Moore style editing.

I like Bumper Sticker Man.

most memorable

We've been back from our adventures a couple of days now. The things that seem most prominent in my mind are rarely things that are the most outwardly impressive. Then again, being out on a small watercraft isn't anything new for me, so I'm surprised at the affect it had on me.

My father grew up on the bay. His backyard wasn't grass, but the sand and water of Mission Bay. His life has always included the water and various watercraft (sabot sailboats, windsurfers and more recently kayaks). He's built a couple of wooden kayaks from kits and now is experimenting with his own designs. They are so beautiful on the water. One he made has 3 seats and he specifically made it so he could take his 4 grandchildren out in turn. Needless to say, I'm a landlubber and generally haven't liked the motion of water in the past. For some reason this time was different.

We set out from Coronado which is an island accessible generally  by bridge form San Diego. It is amazing the speed that can be generated with 2 people paddling. At least it seems a good speed, being so close to the water. Places that are inaccessible in most watercraft can be explored in a kayak. We paddled by restaurants on the seafront and diners waved to us.

On the shore I had my light summer reading "Jesus for President" by Shane Claiborne which directly contrasts the systems of the world ("empire") to the very different "kingdom" of God. So when we paddled by a decommissioned aircraft carrier (docked for tourists to explore), all these thoughts were fresh in my mind as we floated just a few feet from the hull. Close enough to check out the barnacles. The awesome size and magnitude of this ship was overwhelming. It dwarfed the massive cruise ship in the next dock. Even the gray color spoke of it's power. My fluctuating feelings towards military aside, I know one day these things won't be needed anymore. If swords will be turned into plowshares, imagine what aircraft carriers will become?

I loved being out in the kayak and gliding along (when not crashing into wakes from large ships). I didn't even mind the ache in my arms which were unaccustomed to using an oar. I didn't want it to end.

what's that smell?

This question has been gnawing at me on and off for days. Yeh, it's hot (100) and I'm stuck indoors and am trying to find things to do...but still, the question persists. When we were in Taos, we went to a natural foodstore, which wasn't named as such, it just said "Cid's Market" or something. I knew that it was natural but didn't let on, due to the mutinous character the older children take on when taken to such stores. So I said "it's just a market", but Noah said he would know as soon as he walked in because all natural food stores have the same smell. Sure enough, it had the smell . And sure enough, they all have the smell. Even Wholefoods has it to a degree. So my question is: what is it? I really have no idea. I can't identify it. So if you know, one of the mysteries of the universe will be solved, at least in my own mind.

last day in CA

Tomorrow we begin our great trek back to Texas. We were going to stay a bit longer and visit family and friends in the Bay Area, but Richard has a job interview next week. But not before we spend some time near Taos in New Mexico for a couple of days. Hey, it's on the way and 20 degrees (F) cooler tha Texas.

I feel terribly spoiled spending my summer this way. It's been a great month. It seems that this summer (maybe this year now that I think about it) has been about exploring those windows of opportunity that don't open very often.

And as I mentioned before, we've been rethinking. When I first met Richard, he was really interested in alternative/green building. Especially in straw bale and cob. Richard participated in a few projects in the early years of our marriage. Then I don't know what happened. We had a baby and it all went on the back burner. Well, now the house-building desire is back for him. He's still looking for the IT job, but only as a means to escape that which is life-draining for us. But it's one step at a time. He needs to develop skills and meet others. We don't want to do this alone.

I know it sounds very out-of-nowhere and sudden, but it has been a dormant dream of his (and mine) and now it is awoken.

Is it just our age (40ish), or are a lot of people dreaming and rethinking? It seems that most everyone I talked to here is at some sort of crossroads and thinking of doing things, well, differently. Even friends of mine who were content in their lives.

I'm home now. I have a lot to blog about. We went to Taos, New Mexico and visited an earthship. Rather lunar looking, but very interesting. They're much more ordinary looking on the inside. Quite nice actually. They are completely off the grid and self-sufficient. They're constructed out of all sorts of things including old tires for the walls. A lot of them have been built now and there are whole communities of people are living like this. It's been a long learning-curve for them, but they've put in the work to figure things out that will make it easier for others.

This is the one we saw.

Earthship wiki

coming, going and rethinking (again)

I had thought that if Richard didn't get the job in Portland that we might spin into the abyss of disappointment. But it hasn't been like that. More like a shrug of the shoulders "oh well". So we still don't know what we're doing. And I still need a haircut (I said I wouldn't cut my hair til he got a job).

I'm not sure where I am when I wake up in the morning. In the past 3 days I traveled thousands of miles, both on my own and with my family. I have crossed the Puget Sound and we drove across West Texas, the Painted Desert and the Mojave Desert. My feet have touched the earth (or asphalt) in 6 states in a very short time. We have escaped from Suburbatopia in our soccer mom minivan (a.k.a. the Space Shuttle). At least temporarily. Richard and I are once again rethinking everything. He is rethinking IF he even wants to go back to the cube farm (his IT job). Where to live, how to live and everything in between. It is nice to hear him dream aloud again.

We'll be camping here in baking California with some old friends who will also soon be on the road to unemployment. It will be good to rethink together. We will be computer-free for a few days, but Richard will continue his job hunt at my parent's house.

It is strange to be away indefinitely. No schedule and no time we have to be back. Our Texas home is being looked after. We don't need to be there. The future is open and undecided. And we are at peace with that. Father is looking after us.

Collaboration

Working together. This is my prayer, especially for today, and this day forward.

While checking up on what Liam O has been up too lately, I stumbled across a series of videos done with a couple of other talented musicians that you probably recognize from "Once". What a treat to watch them all together.

And the song is great too.

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

Heaven knows I'm miserable now....

Remember that song? (I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now. In my life, why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or I die?) The Smiths, late 80's. Anyhow, that's the song I sang to Richard when he came home once a couple of weeks ago after being offered a job. I must have caught onto his lack of enthusiasm, though I was mostly kidding. But after he spent a restless night of mentally reviewing what it was he is looking for in a job, he decided to withdraw his acceptance before going on to the security clearance. As nice as it would be to know what we are doing and where we will be, my husband having a job that doesn't suck the life out of him is more important. He found himself pulled into the swift moving current of a fast-talking, overly-confident Texan. And before you can say "oil money", he had accepted a job he didn't really want, just because they wanted him. So he learned his lesson.

I also told myself I wasn't going to get my hair cut until he got a job. And now I'm dealing with some major split enz (yuck yuck...maybe I can throw in a few more 80's references just to increase my cringe factor). I know I'm a weirdo about these things. I like to have some sort of physical change (a haircut, a henna design, etc.) to go with life changes. My babies all gave me stretch marks, so I didn't need to go out of my way for that. Probably a good thing that I never got into piercings or tattoos. I guess I don't feel the need to mark these changes in a permanent way. I didn't have much choice about the stretch marks though.

It's been interesting anyhow. He's talking to new people every week, trying to assess if it's a good fit. There is a lot of need out there for the sort of work he does. Generally in big cities. We've watched Portland appear, disappear and reappear into sight. And the weirdest thing is that I've been ok with all the unknowing and daily fluctuations. Maybe because I stay away from torturing myself about "God's will" these days. Why? Because he's with us all the time. He often forewarns us. And I'm beginning to get it into my head that he might be asking and be interested in what we want to do.

It's still strange to me that we are even in this position. I feel quite spoiled. Yesterday (the summer solstice) marks the 17th anniversary of the great Connemara camping trip. That is when I was invited to go along camping with some new friends in the (perpetually rainy) Irish countryside. Among them, I got to know this English guy named Richard, and basically we haven't been apart since. I always joke with him that I just married him for his money. Because about all he had back then was a backpack, a tent and a change of clothes.

Why do I always feel like I'm supposed to wind up or summarize these blog posts with something that will pull this whole mess of thoughts together? Like the sociology papers I used to write in college. But I think that just isn't happening this time. I'll try to write a little more often though. Ok?

remind me not to blog when i first wake up

Looks like I haven't blogged for a month now. How did that happen? I am much more an avid reader of blogs than a blogger.

So....what has going on? Artlovemagic has kept me just a litlte bit busy in the real world. Finishing paintings, sewing straps onto unfinished bags, making some silver charms and practicing the fine art of henna application onto real human beings.

I am excited and nervous about participating. Actually, the scales are tipping much more towards excited than nervous today. I don't even know what to say about it. It seems that it will have a different feeling to it than the very few and far between wine sipping art events I've attended in the past. I just have no interest in that scene. Or, I'm fine with art & wine, but the snootiness, big bucks and little black dresses are just too un-natural for me. I mean, there must be a better way. And I'm hoping to be a part of it.

My visual brain is just not communicating well with words this morning. Rrrr.

Will post a couple of photos of new paintings soon.