back into the wild

** Disclaimer** Beware of potential movie spoiler. Also, this is one of those posts that I write as much for myself as for others.

I was looking for a movie to watch last night and checked the "on demand" list. There was "into the wild", just a finger's touch away. Even after I first saw it about 9 months ago, I knew this was a movie I'd see again. It is the true story of a guy who graduates from college, leaves everyone and everything behind for a journey around the states which ultimately ends in Alaska. Whereas the first time I watched it, I felt a great sense of freedom and adventure. This time, the pain and loss of nearly all of the characters almost overwhelmed me.

Circumstances in the movie are just a little too familiar. The upper middle class upbringing, feeling the futility of a college education, disdain for "the career", things you can't talk about, wanting to get away from "society" (forever). The main character even graduated from college the same year as me. Meaning he would be my age now. Would be. I bought my own one-way ticket after college, but God, in his wisdom, introduced me to my lifetime companion and brought me back. I couldn't bring myself to watch the end of the movie, but maybe I will today.

I've come to realize that church life and suburban life seem very similar to me. Rules, expectations and cheery facades. And here they are all wrapped up in a big tangled ball. As well as I know how to play the game (from experience), I hate it. And that hate hates the sinners as well as the sin. And I'm sick of that part of me too.

I have gotten to know a couple of neighbors. For whatever reason (maybe because after a couple of stories from my life they feel ok) they've chosen to share with me some of the mess of their lives behind the beautifully manicured lawns. Real reputation wreckers. There are reasons we all keep others at a distance out here. Maybe I am somewhat afraid that if I really start to love and care for my neighbors, that I will never get out of here.

At one point in the movie, an old man (the one in the picture above) who befriends the main character tells him,"when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines upon you". I wrote it down soon after I heard it because I wanted to take those words with me. But when I looked down at what I had written, I wrote "life" rather than "light". Maybe it was no accident. Light sems to be something that comes and goes, but Life goes on and on (until it dies....if it dies).

I have been soaking myself in the godjourney podcasts because they speak so clearly of the Father's love to me right now. I've been seeking the father's love, even if it means staying away from religious meetings for a time. Most teaching I've had in the past says "you are either in God, or you are in Rebellion". In or out. Black or white. This one adds a third way which clears up a lot of spiritual debris for me. You may be in Rebellion, or Religion or God. Probably a combination, actually. But the straight and narrow road is not falling into either of those ditches on the side of the road. It's just never been spelled out so clearly to me before.

I wish he had lived. I wish he had been able to cross that river back. I wish the hunters had found him sooner. I wish it were not a true story. But this story of life (fortunately) isn't up to me.

Comments

[patrick]

It was tragic that McCandless died out there in the wilderness; i too wish he had lived to get back to his parents, etc.; but then so many people wouldn't have heard about or benefited from his story... it's pretty amazing how a couple of years of hitchhiking led to his story challenging thousands (millions?) of people

[cheryl]

Patrick,
Thanks for your comment. I never did watch the ending again and my "on demand" time expired. So I've forgotten exactly how it ends. But it did seem he had some revelation and did come to forgive his family. My heart broke for his family though. God usually doesn't provide the Disney ending, but will do things in His own way. Then again, death is not the ultimate end.

I'm glad that Sean Penn was inspired to take on the story. I think Eddie Vedder did an exceptional job with the music too. Unfortunately, I think as an indie movie, it mainly challenged those who appreciate a challenge (or at least something to talk about over a cappuccino). But I may be wrong. Hope I am.

[Rich]

Hey Cheryl, finally saw this movie. What a great movie! Not what I would call a feel good movie. But very moving and well done. My review is here: http://www.acupofrich.com/?p=786

Btw, I hope you and your family are well and being blessed by the Most High!